One of the key factors in why I believe AlphaTale is lacking in terms of story is based on a lack of proper build up and tension throughout. I have several points to talk about on this matter.
1.) There is an ongoing problem in AlphaTale's modern stories such as Puppet Series: Chapter 3 where characters such as Zenith, Prism, and Mr. Undertale randomly appear despite them all being characters who we should only meet later on in the continuity. Instead, these characters should be absent from such early pieces of the narrative and be given their own proper introductions later on.
Take Prism for example. Instead of having him simply appear in a short scene in PS: Chapter 3 and get immediately name dropped, what if he was introduced as a more mysterious figure to other characters such as 404. While reading AlphaTale in order of its stories, the reader should always be introduced to “new” characters as if it was the first time we ever heard or saw of them ourselves, placing us directly in the shoes of the characters within the story.
Following this guideline would keep notable characters such as Prism from getting revealed too early or when the situation doesn’t seem right. Rather, during Faker’s invasion of Reality 6, Prism could possibly be first revealed as an unknown skeletal entity who descended from no-one-knows where and takes on the unstoppable Faker in a 1v1 much to the disbelief of the inhabitants of the Multiverse such as Error and 404 at the time of the early main series.
Also, this simple change opens the door to new opportunities within the story itself. One such opportunity could be 404 or someone else who is spectating this hypothetical battle overhear Faker and Prism talking while in combat, revealing the idea that they are not only from a completely different conceptual plane but are long-term rivals like Error and Ink. This allows a better set up for the rivalry between the pair in the early series while also keeping it obscure enough that inhabitants of the Multiverse are left in wonder at who these two entities may have been and where they came from. This could further lead to cults and religions starting up for these two gods above all that is known to the Multiverse’s people. This could continue to splinter out from this single event, causing a wake of interesting occurrences, setting up future plot points and characters and settings, and building up pre-established conflicts that show there is more to this world than what we are being shown at face value.
2.) Another major issue is that many characters aren’t provided with a proper introduction or purpose for being in the story. Malware is a prime example of this. All we know in the story is that Malware somehow got into 404’s mind but that leaves the question, how? Was it Malware who tempted William to punch into the Mainframe to defeat Jacob in Road to Destruction? For an entity of such power, manipulative nature, and possibility for development within the story, what if the story was altered so that Malware slowly gained William’s trust during his time in AlphaTale prior to the destruction of the AU. This way, there could be a build up that leaves the reader wondering exactly what this mysterious voice’s intention is as William grows to trust it more and more. This way, by the time the battle against Jacob arrives and Malware tempts William to break into the Mainframe for more power, William mindlessly obliges because he trusts this voice in his head. Later on, William could realize in his insanity that it was the voice in his mind that was responsible for the accidental destruction of his AU and this could be where he built his distrust of Malware. Again, further setting up their future relationship and further building the character of Malware.
3.) For a verse with countless entities more than capable of time travel, this could be used to further build intrigue in the direction of the story. What if King visited AlphaTale prior to its destruction with his time manipulation abilities. He couldn’t affect the course of what was going to happen to the AU in the future but what if in Road to Destruction, someone such as Wendy witnessed a mysterious black and white skeleton standing in the treeline upon a distant hill before disappearing similar to the rumored sightings of 404 in the wiki. This would leave a question of who that entity was that Wendy saw and what it was doing only for that answer to be resolved later on. This is a pretty poor example but nonetheless, I think it somewhat conveys what I mean.
4.) To put it simply, I don’t think Hell Seeker stuck the impactful landing it was likely going for with the dramatic turn in power dynamics and society across Eden upon Faker's take over. It introduces many new characters that haven’t been seen outside of pages in the wiki and feels like it wanted to be a climax to Faker’s story and master plan to take over Eden, yet it doesn’t feel too impactful.
Why is this? Because there was very little build up. The only true set up we get implying that Faker has a greater plan is during the Prism Saga and that’s it, little to no other hints or suggestions that Faker is up to more than mindless carnage. Something as dramatic as the battle in Hell Seeker should feel like an all or nothing, desperate battle for the fate of everything, and yet the battle is quite stagnate and bland.
Famous characters show up such as EchoStar and the Scribe, only for them to die or get possessed by Faker to aid his mission. Then more entities show up, and then they get killed… and then Faker reveals Karvashal, crushes the Books and Eden, and it ends. There was never a point where there felt to be true tension but rather like puzzle pieces were falling perfectly into Faker’s arms so everything went smoothly (for the most part.)
Take the battle against Astral as a better example of how an all or nothing battle should be done (despite its flaws.) Astral starts up the battle and immediately goes toe to toe with some of the Multiverses powerhouses and kills them (like Faker with the Scribe, EchoStar, and Iris) only for more reinforcements to keep arriving and for her to slowly get beaten down to the point where she is barely able to stand and she is forced to fight with pure wits as she knows she can’t defeat some of these more powerful entities such as Infected in a fair brawl of sheer power. She fights like her life depends on it and so does every other character in the fight and as characters such as Alpha!Chara get torn apart, the desperation and tension only get more tense as we start to wonder if everything up until now could be in vain. This fight repeatedly pulls the reader back and forth between hope and despair as characters gain an upper hand only to be beat down once more, thus maintaining investment and believability as not everything in Astral’s plan goes accordingly. This fight worked because we had investment in nearly every character involved and it truly felt as if nobody was safe, not even Astral.
Faker’s rise to power in Hell Seeker shouldn’t be random powerful entities coming to brawl Faker but rather a back and forth from both sides, each fighting with everything they have (Faker fighting with everything he has as he knows he is so close to achieving the goal he’s had for uncountable years while everyone else is fighting with everything they have in order to prevent that horrid future.) When Eden is destroyed and Balance is taken, it shouldn’t feel like “oh no, we lost” but rather a sense of dread and accomplishment from Faker finally achieving his goal after so long.
5.) Going back to the idea of tension, AlphaTale could really use better stakes in the story. Realistically based on the brutal reality of AlphaTale’s world, there should be a lot more moments of tension with something at stake. This could be big and dramatic moments of tension such as a climatic battle or a more subtle moment of decision making.
During the wars of Reality 6 and the Multiverse, simple but effective moments of tension and stakes could be built by the world or entities within it such as BioTale forcing someone like King to make a choice. One option will lead to disaster and the other will lead to success but nobody knows which option is the correct one and by making the wrong choice, all hell may break loose and damn everyone.
Every move a character makes should have some level of weight behind it, even if it is obscure or too small to truly notice. Like a game of chess, one move can lose you the game yet if you play it right, you may win just as easily.
6.) There needs to be a consistency between stories across the narrative of AlphaTale. It happens too often where a story ends and then the subsequent story abruptly starts off in a completely different situation as if little of the previous story had much effect on the narrative as a whole. To put it simply, the transition between stories is often quite jarring and there should be some level (even if only a line or two) that directly correlates the current entry to the rest of the story. Take Hell Seeker and Blue Dragon for example. What if in a one-off comment, 404 or Prism mentioned that Brimm had abruptly become more active over the course of the years since 404 and Brimm’s battle in Blue Dragon. There could be a comment hinting at the idea that Brimm is gaining power, looking for something, or that 404 may even be tracking/hunting the abomination.
P.S., I fully recognize that some of these critiques would require a total rewrite of the entirety of Alphatale to fix and I know that isn’t realistic in any way. Despite this, these are all things I believe could only help in the furthering of Mystic’s work on updating the story and any work on the story moving forward. What are your thoughts?