(edited by Victorkkkakkkakkk)
What's on your mind?
(edited by ZetaTake)
King's blaster have what color ?
While the story is somewhat fine, telling the story of frisk's and chara's lives with the astral mother, I do have one immediate gripe to make:
To make the obvious question:
"IS THIS FUCKING ALPHATALE OR LISA THE PAINFUL?" -
So to explain this very problem, I'll have to look at some key things of "When mature content is done right vs when it's done wrong", in which I already mentioned in my oldest former piece of criticism about Alphatale.
A good example of Extreme behavior (Strong language, depraved or extremely violent behavior, or the use of drugs) Is where the astral mother starts getting onto frisk and chara. with the very comment being: “Will you two settle down damnit! I can’t focus on my fucking work if your both over there boondoggling!!” 'the Astral Mother shouted in complete anger only getting the kid’s attention when she cursed to which they scolded her and pointed out like as if she was a child'
while she is meant to be a manipulative, flamboyant individual, I'll let her comment slide considering she's essentially busy trying to deal with stuff. It could also prove that there's more than her character, she's a terrible mother as we have established, and this does reinforce that...
Later on, this does escalate... in a way that very much enters an excessive, and unnecessary level of "Over-the top edginess", which I could say rivals that of underfell.
Allow me to take another snippet of steel heart, albeit a longer one:
A lesser example:
“KILL THIS CUNT!” shouted Muffet as hordes of people began to rush the Astral Mother only for her to begin brawling against the mob using their own objects against them and then using her claws to jab many of them in their throats. Chara got ready to fight, but Frisk just grabbed his brother’s hand and began to run off down the hall with other members of the mob chasing after them “Wait you two! Stay here!” the Astral Mother shouted before getting hit over the head with a large chair and falling to the ground, she could feel blood rushing to her head as she felt members of the crowd begin to jump and beat her.
A more excessive example:
“ Ok…didn’t know I could do that, well at least its handy” she said as she then peeked outside and saw a few monsters pissing on the floor and walls and one ready to take a shit on a end table “this is what that bitch and all of her lackeys get for making this place a living hell!” said one of the monsters as the rest began to laugh and chuckle only for the Astral Mother to burst out of the broom closet and stab one of them with a broom and then jam it through the second one’s ear and straight through the other all while the third one watched in fear, she let their corpses fall down as she began to walk towards the last monster who struggled to pull up his pants “H-Hey I was just playing and that bitch thing was a joke too yakow? hehehe” the monster said before the Astral Mother grabbed a hold of his shirt and pulled him close “Where is your leader?” asked the Astral Mother as he claws extended poking the monster’s face drawing blood from it “Or am I gonna have to cut open your jaw that way all the information I need spills out”
Now with this in mind, I'll have to give my criticism on this one. The part where the astral mother threatens to cut open his jaw seems a bit more reasonable for an Undertale AU, given that there have been many brutal threats made in other AUs, as well as in Deltarune, In which the king "Threatens" to drop lancer, 'having him splat into bloody pieces'
However, I really never expected the elegant, "Fine and dandy" Muffet to literally shout "KILL THIS CUNT!" of all things (even if they hate the astral mother, I could have expected "Off with their head" or something like that). it just seems so unfitting for their formal and leadership-based character. the even more extreme example can be found with the fact that monsters were literally whizzing on the walls, with one preparing to crap on a table (all the while the astral mother is missing her clothes). while undertale is no stranger to questionable behavior (I mean, sans drinks ketchup and eats dog food, Undyne was fine with her house on fire, and the fact that papyrus asks to use the restroom when he's a literal skeleton), THIS is literally the big "Shad, Shad, hold up!" moment for me. I get that alphatale doesn't have to be exactly like undertale or deltarune, but going to the extremes of having slaughter and excretement in one paragraph seems a bit too much, even for an undertale AU (Hell, I bet even axetale was a bit more chill than this, although I'm not sure.)
I'm glad that in this story, Error404 and the other sanses are being centralized this time, but the way it was executed was downright poor. I'll give this a fine 4.5/10, It could have been written worse, but boy, even for a guy like me (who's been fine with stuff like Lisa: the painful / the joyful, may I mind you), some of this looks like it was written by an angsty teenager. (I'm not saying that shad sucks at writing, I just think It could have been a lot better)
(edited by Funnysterk)
Supreme Calamitas (Terraria: Calamity)
Tormentor (FNF: corruption)
Slave Knight Gael (Dark souls III: ringed city)
Archie / Heart of ender (Minecraft dungeons)
27 Votes in Poll
I forgot if he said to keep it a secret, but I know it's happening.
If the Alphatale community AND the creators like it more than the original, It might take it's place (or at least I think). don't worry, We can still refer back to this alphatale if the creators wanna keep the old one and call it "PREdux alphatale" or something like that, but I just felt like I had to share this news.
and if there is any Info I WILL give, it's that the story will be made more coherent and the AU will be more focused on character development and tying characters together. every character, be it delios, Jacob, or even rokie.
may have some relevance in the redux. If I have anything to say about it in terms of an opinion, I'm quite hyped, as I've hardly ever seen an AU that has been both good plot-wise (EX: Inverted fate) AND expansive (EX: Glitchtale) at the same time.
I just wonder what everyone thinks about this. (and I apologize if I leaked anything too big, nyte.)
I did read the Alphatale explained thing, but now i cant find where it continues
(edited by Yessir12344567)
Bete noire (Glitchtale)
Tormentor / corruption (Friday night funkin mods)
Error404 (alphatale) (why even choose this?)
39 Votes in Poll
Lugiano scarlet (Tarot XX / The contagion)
Error404 (The master of puppets)
21 Votes in Poll
Yuffle Linoma - Tarot XVIII & Harbinger Incarnate
Infected sans / Jacob - the tainted heart
16 Votes in Poll
The reason I'd like to touch on this subject would be that while alphatale definitely has its own merits, improvements could definitely be made. Here's a few I'd like to consider:
Dialogue should fit the character, and excessive profanity should be cut out or more so just reduced for less profane characters (EX: Error404) - this is a very obvious one, and one that is very important. the one thing that Alphatale's dialogue suffers from the most is "Halloween hack Syndrome", overusing strong language on characters who wouldn't seem to be all that profane. If anything, I'd say the strong language would be reserved for something like Infected getting highly agitated. Dialogue should also be dependent on their personality, meaning if someone was, for example, Error404 behaved sociopathically, he would care little about anyone's problems and say something like "Hey, unless It's my problem or if you have anything in return, I'd care less."
Alphatale should definitely be more than just sanses - this is a rather simple one, sanses shouldn't be the only characters, and if there are multiple sanses, it should be done in a way that makes sense. (nyte has me covered on this one) In addition to this, all characters should be given a sort of relevance, be it for one major character's life or another.
More than meets the eye - when developing a character, there should be more to them than what is first seen about them, and should at least have multiple strengths and weaknesses, both power-wise and definitely personality-wise, in order to be established as a concrete character. a personality should always come before the abilities, and character must have concrete motivation behind their actions, and can't just act out of character without being forced to do so. (an example would be Omnipotent sans being cowardly for awhile after dozens of painful cuts from battling infected or dealing with a highly agitated Alpha! chara, not wanting to continue going through agony.)
(edited by Funnysterk)
I just wonder what Hell's past is. How he got 24 from LV if he really isn't bad or seems to really want to hurt someone. Also, your AU has not been destroyed, its inhabitants have not been killed?
(I'm not going through chapter 6 yet)
It seems like a tough face to me because, I don't know if I remember it wrong or I translated it wrong, he said before his battle against Bio! Frisk, it's finally his turn to shine and I don't know what else, although in the Chapter he went to fight against the great Sansses of Alphatale and he couldn't do it because he was discarded as trash by Alpha's Kumu! Betty and in Chapter 4 when she finally got a chance to help against Abyss she got acted like a moron and ended up being a burden to Tint. More over in the battle itself against Bio! Frisk ended up being cut by Frisk and Tint had to face again. I'm always waiting for something to happen and for the true Alphaverse version of Fresh (like Hollowed! Ink, Dead! Nightmare or Righteous! Error) to come down to humiliate this nasty thing.
Although I did not like him because he looked like Ink and that he was supposedly going to be stronger than Ink and practically they were going to give a similar treatment to Ink as they had with Error, Tint seemed interesting to me because of the issue of Ten and that he hunted those of Alphatale, how bad that those plots were wasted. In the end, although I don't really know much about him and that his dialogues don't convey much either, in his battles he shows his face and makes me respect him. I wish more non-original Alphatale characters had that treatment, although they are not nearly as OP as Alphatale characters can still stand up in battles.
I think he's fine, he seems the most reasonable of his group. They didn't paint him very powerful as D + either, so I can't really complain about the power of him. But I'm just saying that a Horror from another multiverse could defeat him.
Abyss frankly I don't know how to feel. They show him as not very reasonable, but well that's something typical that they do with Alphaverse characters so I can't say much either. His power seems very good to me and I would have liked to see more of his fight against Tint and lively. His murder is what does not fit me, since at first it seemed a somewhat important piece for the history of Alphatale after its destruction, killing him so quickly on the one hand seems good to me since they eliminate non-Alphaverse characters because it seems that they do not know What does he do with them and to give more importance to the Alphaverse characters, but on the other hand it seems to me that if they were going to kill him faster he would have put a random Sans and a Sans from Alphaverse.
I don't remember what Conduit Omni was, but I do remember that it was a new Conduit of this Cycle and according to what Death said that for a Conduit not to have its power, it has to be blocked, so that means that Omni is its first Cycle He must have his Conduit power already unlocked from the start. So his power has something to do with his god powers or his gravity powers?
Also, Infected is supposed to have the power of destruction, so his transformations or other powers are by Conduit's power of him?
That would explain why his powers appear out of nowhere.
22 Votes in Poll
I, Funnyman, who originated from the Alphatale Discord, Love what this AU is going for, and I'm surprised to see how popular it got in such a short timespan. But for me, the story is all over the place.
The problems: It recaps everything too quickly and does get a bit Incoherent. to give a general idea of what I mean, I'll just give this snippet: "KM defeats Ten and in result frees everyone and as soon as it's done Omni returns and Tell them all about what's happening in the TransVoid and in an attempt to get everyone together begins to tell them all how much each of them has grown and how they must put they're differences aside and work together."
This is how the AU opens up, a recap of King multiverse fighting Ten to free everyone and all these events happening all at once. there isn't that much Tension or explanation for what's going on, and while the events may seem cool and all, It's better off to add more to this and explain the events transpiring. Have the beginning start with some tension that leads to fight with King multiverse and Ten, with dialogue and character interaction that leads up to the battle.
as a decent story writer (As I am planning to make an indie game in the future), I can help edit the story for any Inconsistencies If you'd like me to, but that's up to you guys.
Yes or No, because base, Devotion, Just404, Error666, B.U.T.T.E.R.F.L.Y, B.U.T.T.E.R.F.L.Y.6.6.6
(edited by TheEpicCook)
Sigma (self proclaimed God of Omniscience)
Terrogore (a once good king gone mad and his army)
Galvaton (Glamorous experimental Terminator)
"Him" (Hooded River maniac)
15 Votes in Poll